Balloons to Sky Lanterns
Kelsey,the boys, and I took some balloons to Korry's cross this morning. 4 balloons, one for each year. We stayed a minute or two. Each in our own thoughts. Jazsper was uncharacteristically quiet. No comment, no song. I wonder, does he realize the significance of what today is. I don't ever say why we are doing special balloons and stuff. No sense going into details on this. Kelsey and kids spent the day with us again; working on Dominick's Halloween costume, and keeping me company.
Paul continued to make stupid or sarcastic comments all day. At some point he had to have realized today's significance. But instead of helping, and maybe cutting me some slack, he just continued to irritate me. Almost like he was doing it on purpose. To make it clear that he did not think I should be extra sensitive today. I understand if he doesn't remember what today is. He doesn't remember anything. And Korry was not his daughter, so I don't expect him to know the date. I guess I just expect a little kindness. But that is not his style. Never is. I will never forget him telling me, that it took about 5 years for him to "get over" his brother's death. So I should do about the same, you know, forget she ever was a part of my life, and don't mention her, so we can all forget her. I looked at him and said, it better not ever be easy for me, and I will not ever "get over" Korry's death. I don't want to, and hope to God I never do. He was stunned and so confused. That was not at all what he expected. He wanted me to think like he did.
Tonight we ended our day lighting 4 lanterns and whispering our thoughts and love to Korry into them before we set them to flight. It was Kelsey, me and the kids. When the last one was about out of sight, the tears started to fall down my face. When I looked at Jazsper, he held his hands out wide for a hug. I held him and we both cried a bit. Then came in.
Kelsey gathered up her stuff and her kids, and headed home. I made sure she text me when she got home. She understood. She was safe.
Being safe ; something I never take for granted any more...
Paul continued to make stupid or sarcastic comments all day. At some point he had to have realized today's significance. But instead of helping, and maybe cutting me some slack, he just continued to irritate me. Almost like he was doing it on purpose. To make it clear that he did not think I should be extra sensitive today. I understand if he doesn't remember what today is. He doesn't remember anything. And Korry was not his daughter, so I don't expect him to know the date. I guess I just expect a little kindness. But that is not his style. Never is. I will never forget him telling me, that it took about 5 years for him to "get over" his brother's death. So I should do about the same, you know, forget she ever was a part of my life, and don't mention her, so we can all forget her. I looked at him and said, it better not ever be easy for me, and I will not ever "get over" Korry's death. I don't want to, and hope to God I never do. He was stunned and so confused. That was not at all what he expected. He wanted me to think like he did.
Tonight we ended our day lighting 4 lanterns and whispering our thoughts and love to Korry into them before we set them to flight. It was Kelsey, me and the kids. When the last one was about out of sight, the tears started to fall down my face. When I looked at Jazsper, he held his hands out wide for a hug. I held him and we both cried a bit. Then came in.
Kelsey gathered up her stuff and her kids, and headed home. I made sure she text me when she got home. She understood. She was safe.
Being safe ; something I never take for granted any more...
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