Birthdays are Empty

I have found myself doing pretty well, considering, for the last few months.  But then my birthday came up. My dear sweet husband had his daughters over for a birthday party/anniversary party (yes, we were married on my birthday). It was a surprise, which probably was not the best idea, but it was well intentioned.   It only made it worse realizing that both Kelsey and Korry were not there.  But I think what really set me off, was Jazsper's ability to sing Happy Birthday to me. I am really struggling with all the things that Jazsper is able to do and that Korry is missing. Jazsper was Korry's world. That was all she wanted in life was to be his Mommy. And he is just learning and growing and he is so smart and there are so many little things that she is not here for.  He can sing Twinkle Twinkle little star, tell the story of The House That Jack Built, and his ABC's. And his baseball playing is just incredible for a 3 and a half year old. It just makes me so very sad. Sometimes when I lay down with him at night to put him to bed, he is just looking and I wonder what he thinks.. this morning when we said good by and we said I love you. he also said Momma loves jazsper, which he does frequently, but then added so mater of factly... She is an angel, she died... I know he has no concept of that and he needed to have something he could say  about her, but it just is so hard. I am struggling so much with all this. some days I just can't help but cry and cry. Jazsper is such a sweet and tenderhearted boy. So much like his mom, and it just makes me miss her so.