Still Dealing....
Grief is a funny thing in some ways. It helps you to understand other's grief, and gives you a different outlook on life.
Kelsey is grieving, obviously. She has no clue that her actions, or lack there of are part of her grieving process. She is getting such a double, triple, quadruple whammy out of this. She lost Korry, ran off to ND because andy said he would take care of her. Then she loses andy. So she becomes a widow at 22 years old. She is pregnant, living at her "in-laws" home. She lives there because that is what THEY decided she needed. Well unfortunately the mother in law as i have mentioned is just a control freak. And she is going thru grieving of her own, even tho she won't let herself. So Kelsey is a mess. We have been looking at houses. She found one, she wants it, she doesn't want it, she does, she doesn't. She wants someone to tell her what to do, because that is how she has lived her whole life, following whatever someone tells her. Well, there is no one to tell her what to do now and she is at a loss. It is so hard watching her try, and really have no idea. She is young, but she has always been so immature and needy. Some of this is improving and some is not.
It has caused me to feel my grief for Korry deeper again. It is hard to explain, but I just miss Korry so much. I miss the child that is responsible and ready to take on life. I miss the mom who raises her child to be such a blessing to everyone. I miss the "I love you's", I miss her smiles.
I worry that I am forgetting things about her. Looks, personality, thoughts, memories. I don't want to forget a single thing... but time does that. Kelsey is such an opposite of Korry. It's just so hard. Kyle has gotten so much better at calling me. He tries to each week. I think even more so, since he has learned that I am still having a rough go. Him being so far away, he never sees me, so he has no idea what goes on with me.
Paul seems to be trying to be more attentive to me, but I actually think it is because he feels like he is not getting enough attention. Kelsey has been a pretty overwhelming force in our lives lately. He doesn't seem to mind, but I think he feels left out. So, yes, I love him dearly, more than anything, but I have no more space on my plate to worry about him all of a sudden feeling left out.
Kelsey is grieving, obviously. She has no clue that her actions, or lack there of are part of her grieving process. She is getting such a double, triple, quadruple whammy out of this. She lost Korry, ran off to ND because andy said he would take care of her. Then she loses andy. So she becomes a widow at 22 years old. She is pregnant, living at her "in-laws" home. She lives there because that is what THEY decided she needed. Well unfortunately the mother in law as i have mentioned is just a control freak. And she is going thru grieving of her own, even tho she won't let herself. So Kelsey is a mess. We have been looking at houses. She found one, she wants it, she doesn't want it, she does, she doesn't. She wants someone to tell her what to do, because that is how she has lived her whole life, following whatever someone tells her. Well, there is no one to tell her what to do now and she is at a loss. It is so hard watching her try, and really have no idea. She is young, but she has always been so immature and needy. Some of this is improving and some is not.
It has caused me to feel my grief for Korry deeper again. It is hard to explain, but I just miss Korry so much. I miss the child that is responsible and ready to take on life. I miss the mom who raises her child to be such a blessing to everyone. I miss the "I love you's", I miss her smiles.
I worry that I am forgetting things about her. Looks, personality, thoughts, memories. I don't want to forget a single thing... but time does that. Kelsey is such an opposite of Korry. It's just so hard. Kyle has gotten so much better at calling me. He tries to each week. I think even more so, since he has learned that I am still having a rough go. Him being so far away, he never sees me, so he has no idea what goes on with me.
Paul seems to be trying to be more attentive to me, but I actually think it is because he feels like he is not getting enough attention. Kelsey has been a pretty overwhelming force in our lives lately. He doesn't seem to mind, but I think he feels left out. So, yes, I love him dearly, more than anything, but I have no more space on my plate to worry about him all of a sudden feeling left out.
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