Sadness

One of the ladies I work with commented on how sad I looked as I walked to my car, the other day. Interesting, how that is one of the hardest times of the day.  I don't know if it is because I have finished work and the facade can finally come off, or if I look that sad all the time. It really surprised me. I know I frequently look to the sky on the way out to the car, and say Hi. I don't know what I think this accomplishes, but I can't help myself.  I am still struggling with my emotions these past weeks.  I don't know what I think I should be doing, but sometimes I feel like this is harder than how I feel at other times.
Jazsper is starting to connect "sad" with his mom, and actually with his dad too. The sandlot 3 has the little boys mom die of cancer and he is sad. So I guess it is helping Jazsper to find a word for his feelings..  It sorta irritates my husband that Jazsper started this after watching the movie, but I know he has felt it before and just doesn't know how to express. I think it is good to talk about it. Paul says Jazsper never says anything when I am not around. He will only comment when I am there. I wonder if he somehow senses Paul wants out of sight out of mind, or if he and I are just more emotionally connected and he feels he can talk with me.  I always try to encourage his talking about stuff.
   This is pure hell. there is no other way to describe it. And I am SAD!