Poor Jazsper,

It hits him out of the blue sometimes. Last night he curled up on my lap and just cried. He missed his Momma so much. It is bitter sweet for him to see all her stuff around the house. We tried talking about how memories are good, and how Momma would want him to be happy and not cry. We talked about how it is ok to think about Momma all the time, but not miss her terribly all the time. Its a fine line and how do you explain that to a 9 year old. I tried to explain that if I let my emotions go, I would be a basket case and not be able to do anything but cry. And that is not a possibility for me, because I have him to raise.I know I am not special, and I know I am no different from any other Mother who loses a child; but, I sometimes think my grief is compounded because I have Jazsper's grief as well.  I hurt for me and I also hurt for him. It is so hard having him see the other kids with their mom's and not have his. It breaks his heart some days. and when he is missing her and then my other daughter comes over with her kids... It makes it so hard for him sometimes. He would like to run and hug and kiss his mom, but he is unable to.

Rough start to a rough week. It is Monday and it will be 7 years on Thursday that Korry has been gone. Work is a jumble of mess this week, too. I am not in my usual area and I feel like a fish out of water, and am just a mess..... I just keep praying, and God keeps carrying me.