The Yearly Roller Coaster
It seems to start at my birthday. Either good or bad. It is like I wake up the next day and I start to drag. Nothing seems to be on track; I am late, hurried, forgetful. And it doesn't really get better. I feel the sadness overwhelmingly. I struggle at work to just not start crying for no reason. Walking to my car I want to start crying. Seems like everything is a struggle. Baseball practice, going to the beach, getting ready for school. The worst part is I would really like to cut my hours. I just can't function at work, and it seems like everything is getting to me. I love work. it is never like this. But I am tired! Very tired. Life is such a chore right now. the fun of summer has gone. I really think it is as I start scheduling people out 2-3 months I come across appointments to be made on October 29. I really think that altho I don't consciously see it, it is there. I think that my mind just starts going into fog mode already. I will try to up my anti depressants and see if that will help.
I had thought that this track was maybe not going to happen this year. I have been doing good. things are going well and I am even remodeling the inside decorating in the house.
I am looking forward to reducing my hours in a few months, and I cant help but want to do it now. Not wait. We are just so short handed right now, I cant really push my boss into an answer. and I think the "limbo" of not knowing is really having an affect. Along with everything else.
I am just worn out and want to stop.
Jazsper is still having trouble going to bed at night. It has been like that since we got home from Utah. Not sure if any of the activities this summer have caused issues, or it is just missing momma and now that we visited dad he misses him more too. We had a great visit with his dad. The night we got home, Jazsper cried for him. odd, he didnt cry for him when we left, but rather that night. who knows what goes on in his little head I am still stressing a bit over that too.
Some times it is just too much. And no one understands. I love Jazsper, and would never want to stop raising him. but some days I would just like a break from ALL of it.
So thankful at times like this I can cry out to Jesus/God and he will bring me comfort and strength.
I had thought that this track was maybe not going to happen this year. I have been doing good. things are going well and I am even remodeling the inside decorating in the house.
I am looking forward to reducing my hours in a few months, and I cant help but want to do it now. Not wait. We are just so short handed right now, I cant really push my boss into an answer. and I think the "limbo" of not knowing is really having an affect. Along with everything else.
I am just worn out and want to stop.
Jazsper is still having trouble going to bed at night. It has been like that since we got home from Utah. Not sure if any of the activities this summer have caused issues, or it is just missing momma and now that we visited dad he misses him more too. We had a great visit with his dad. The night we got home, Jazsper cried for him. odd, he didnt cry for him when we left, but rather that night. who knows what goes on in his little head I am still stressing a bit over that too.
Some times it is just too much. And no one understands. I love Jazsper, and would never want to stop raising him. but some days I would just like a break from ALL of it.
So thankful at times like this I can cry out to Jesus/God and he will bring me comfort and strength.
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