Finding Peace
If you have followed my blog, you know that every year I go on a religious fast for 10 days. It is time for me to put the Lord and God first, and to show that I am willing to do at least some sort of sacrafice in the start of the year. Additionally, I started going to church regularly again. Jazsper has been attending church also, because he wants to learn about Heaven and Jesus and where his mom is. I have to say this year my fast had a pretty miraculous effect on me. The lessons at church have not been anything to necessarily to help with the comfort I have been in dire need of again this year. But it has been fascinating what I have been learning. And it has brought me so much closer to Christ. With that being said, the natural progression of being close to Christ is feeling his love more and more in my life. It has been amazing.
I have found peace.
I have truly felt the comfort that can only come from Christ. And it has been incredible. Sure I still miss my daughter, I have times the tears come out. But it is a different feeling inside. I know my life will never be the same. And I will always feel the loss of Korry. But that is a good thing. I would never want to forget or stop thinking/missing her.
I have seen so many clouds lately that look like angel wings. I know Korry is always up there watching, and now my big sister as well.
Jazsper seems to be doing good, as well. He asked a few weeks back about getting baptized. He has learned that you need to be baptized to get to Heaven to where Jesus and God are. I quickly realized he was wanting to be sure he could go to his momma if he were to die. Bless his heart. It made me cry to think he was worried about that. I reassured him that all children go to Heaven, automatically, that Jesus and God love all children and they are not held accountable for baptism until they are older. He was perfectly content with that and hasn't mentioned it again. I would never want to discourage him from getting baptized, but I would prefer he waited until he gets a bit older. I think he understands, I just think he is still a bit young for it. I will wait and see if he asks again. And then we can do some serious studying.
Although I have found peace, I still seem to have a difficult time with my thinking. I make mistakes and don't get things right. I don't let it get me down. I just realize that is the way my life is going to go. With each new trauma (death) I seem to lose more and more brain cells. My doctor said I am doing fine and not showing signs of any true dementia. I think it is just that I have to focus a little more than I used to. I have always been good at multi tasking, and that seems to get worse with passing time. But it is ok. I still feel able to do everything, I just can't laugh and work as well as I used to!!!
I have also felt a little better knowing that it is almost 2 months since my sister's death, and we have not had any other deaths. I know that is a silly worry, but it has been heavy on my heart.
I have found peace.
I have truly felt the comfort that can only come from Christ. And it has been incredible. Sure I still miss my daughter, I have times the tears come out. But it is a different feeling inside. I know my life will never be the same. And I will always feel the loss of Korry. But that is a good thing. I would never want to forget or stop thinking/missing her.
I have seen so many clouds lately that look like angel wings. I know Korry is always up there watching, and now my big sister as well.
Jazsper seems to be doing good, as well. He asked a few weeks back about getting baptized. He has learned that you need to be baptized to get to Heaven to where Jesus and God are. I quickly realized he was wanting to be sure he could go to his momma if he were to die. Bless his heart. It made me cry to think he was worried about that. I reassured him that all children go to Heaven, automatically, that Jesus and God love all children and they are not held accountable for baptism until they are older. He was perfectly content with that and hasn't mentioned it again. I would never want to discourage him from getting baptized, but I would prefer he waited until he gets a bit older. I think he understands, I just think he is still a bit young for it. I will wait and see if he asks again. And then we can do some serious studying.
Although I have found peace, I still seem to have a difficult time with my thinking. I make mistakes and don't get things right. I don't let it get me down. I just realize that is the way my life is going to go. With each new trauma (death) I seem to lose more and more brain cells. My doctor said I am doing fine and not showing signs of any true dementia. I think it is just that I have to focus a little more than I used to. I have always been good at multi tasking, and that seems to get worse with passing time. But it is ok. I still feel able to do everything, I just can't laugh and work as well as I used to!!!
I have also felt a little better knowing that it is almost 2 months since my sister's death, and we have not had any other deaths. I know that is a silly worry, but it has been heavy on my heart.
Comments
Post a Comment