Jazsper Finally Lets it Come Out

My heart is broken. Last night while Jazsper was taking his bath, I tried talking to him about what has been bothering him. Finally I just came out and asked if he was missing his momma. He burst into tears and said his heart was sad. Oh it broke my heart all over again. The pain for this little guy. We cried for a little while, laughed a little, and after he got out I hugged him tight for a while just trying to send love into him. At bedtime he curled up with all his animals and slept. So apparently, he just needed to let it out and wasn’t sure how to go about it.

I also told him I would make him a momma pillow. A pillow out of something of hers that he can hold and help not miss her. For some reason he is really wanting someone to sleep with him. He hasn’t done this in a long time. So many articles that I try to read to help, state that a child may all of a sudden have issues after doing perfectly well for a while. And it just continues. Just as it does for me. I don’t know what his triggers may or may not be, but mine sure surprise me. I can only imagine how hard it must be for the little guy.

I have Korry’s bathrobe. It’s a black furry one. I have kept it up in the closet in a bag. It was the one she always wore. I think I will cut a length off the bottom for Jazsper’s pillow. That way the top will still be intact. I don’t want to cut it up, or cut a chunk out of it. So I figure if I cut parallel with the hem that won’t be so bad.

I miss her. I miss her so much. Words cannot describe the ache and hole in my heart.