Irritability and holidays

It is interesting to me that the holidays are harder this year than they were last year. Especially Thanksgiving. Once again, I don't want to cook and have people over. Which is fine with me and not a problem, but my husband just doesn't get it.  It is like he thinks everything is back to normal now, and that I am handling everything fine.  It is so insensitive, and it really surprises me. I don't discuss a lot in front of him, because it bothers him that he can't fix it, and I think he really doesn't want to see my emotional side of this. Which is crazy.  It is all part of this. I notice my irritability level is up again, it started the beginning of october and has just gotten worse and worse. I think a lot of it is the stress over Thanksgiving. Without asking, Paul has invited his daughter over. The one I like the least and the one who refuses to use serving utensils.. ok, so this is a big pet peeve of mine. not the person I want to have over for thanksgiving. And there is no appreciation for the cooking. My kids always helped, but additionally they always commented on how good the food is. Something Paul's kids just have no concept of. It is just common courtesy. So I had really hoped his daughter would go to the other daughter's house.. I really don't want this day to even come. The only reason we eat at home is because I think it is improtant for Jazsper to have traditions.
I just want to cry the last couple days, just curl up and cry a bunch.  I don't necessarily think it is the grief, but more secondary to the grief, as explained because of the situation, these things are bothering me more..
I am having an emotional upheaval.