UP AND DOWN

Most days I do OK. I have my teary moments, but on the whole they pass. What gets me are the events that trigger a deeper hurt.  Yesterday we went to the cross that marks the accident site.  The grass had grown tall and we needed to use the weedeater. My husband got the grass knocked down, as Jaz and I watched. When he was done.Jaz wanted to stay for a minute. So we waited and he started singing her his repertoire of short songs. It was so sweet. I stood there with tears as he sang.  He knows that she isn't there, technically, but it is the place where he feels he can talk to her.. breaks my heart. These are the things that take a few days to start getting thru.  He is getting to the point that he understands his mom is gone, but the other little boys moms are here.  Not much I can do but love him thru it.  Paul so badly wants for us to be the parents, so that he fits in, and has a normal family like the other boys.  I think this stems from his childhood and not having a dad. Jaz's other gramma skyped with him on Saturday. Paul has a hard time with that.  His dad and that side of the family was never mentioned again.. how awful for him. But I don't want Jaz to lose the ties to his dad's family.  I wish Paul could understand, it's not taking away from us. He thinks we are all the family Jaz needs. This obviously is an ongoing issue, as I have mentioned it before.. I just miss Korry so much. She had become such a major part of my life.  I was looking at her last few posts on Facebook. They were about how excited she was about starting college again. How she knew she was on the right road..... So very very sad that someone was so stupid and ended her life so soon.