Can't Shake It

One of the harder things about the loss of Korry, is that she always cared about me. We never went more than a few days without talking or texting. At least that is how I remember it. And I believe it was that way once she moved back to Alabama.  Prior to that in Arizona, maybe not so much. But I got used to having her call me, text me, tell me about good and bad things. She was my first child and she was what I used to determine my value as a mother. This is all sorta hitting me right now, and these thoughts are just coming out.  My son, I hear from maybe once a month. But that is all I expect from him. I know he loves me, he is just very busy with work and gym and sleep! I had really hoped that Kelsey would step up and be a little more attentive of me. And she has improved tremendously, but it still bothers me when I don't hear from her for a long time. And I usually have to initiate the call.  She works graveyards, and so I never know when she is sleeping, and on weekends, she doesn't seem to have time. And I really don't think she cares much. I mean I am not having a pity party about it. We have never been really close. But it makes it so much harder as a mom not having that connection with any of my kids anymore. I miss Korry so much, and I can't seem to put her on the back burner. She is totally in the main part of my mind these days, and I just want to curl up in a hole and pull a blanket over my head and cry. But of course I can't do that.
I know it will get better again and that this grief is a roller coaster, but wow sometimes it's a whole lot bumpier than others.