Grieving Mother.. the journey through Life after my Daughter died

 Poor Jazsper, It hits him out of the blue sometimes. Last night he curled up on my lap and just cried. He missed his Momma so much. It is bitter sweet for him to see all her stuff around the house. We tried talking about how memories are good, and how Momma would want him to be happy and not cry. We talked about how it is ok to think about Momma all the time, but not miss her terribly all the time. Its a fine line and how do you explain that to a 9 year old. I tried to explain that if I let my emotions go, I would be a basket case and not be able to do anything but cry. And that is not a possibility for me, because I have him to raise.I know I am not special, and I know I am no different from any other Mother who loses a child; but, I sometimes think my grief is compounded because I have Jazsper's grief as well.  I hurt for me and I also hurt for him. It is so hard having him see the other kids with their mom's and not have his. It breaks his heart some days. and when he is m...

 Here we are again. I find a real need to write today.  For some reason this morning I was missing Korry more than usual, and then a song came on, and the flood gates opened.  Out came the tears.  I still don't think its bad that I cry for her still. I always will, it will never end. And as I have said, that is OK.  My brain has struggled this week and I finally realized, well, it is that time of year.  Its always a struggle this time of year. My brain somehow knows it. A lot has happened this year. The COVID-19 pandemic and the lifestyle changes that has brought about. My husband over reacted to all of this and it put a bit of a strain on Jazsper. It made him so worried that my husband was going to get sick and die. My husband was such a drama queen about the whole thing. Saying in front of Jazsper: "This shit is going to KILL ME!!!!" That really bothered Jazsper, needless to say. It was a terrible thing to say in front of him.  My husband and I have ...