Time Continues
I am probably going to end my blog with this post. Unless something major happens in the future, this will be the end of my story. Not the end of my Journey. My Journey will last for the rest of my life, because it will never end until the good Lord calls me home.
Funny, Paul mentioned that it should take me 5 years to "get over this" as I have mentioned before. And as I have said before I hope that I never "get over" the death of my dear sweet Korry. But with that being said. Yes I miss her and think of her every day. But my life has joy, peace and love in it.(and it has been almost 5 1/2 years) I have hope in the love of God that Korry is in Heaven, and I will be able to see her again some day. I feel more that this is a "knowledge" then a "hope", but of course nothing in Heaven is fully known, other than we have a loving God and an advocate who speaks/represents us in Jesus Christ.
Jazsper is growing up. He is 8 now. Milestones are still a little difficult, because I wish Korry was here with us in person to experience these things. But I know she is watching from above. Holidays are a little bitter-sweet because she is not here. Special events like weddings of family members are a little off because we all wish she was here for them.
We will continue to celebrate her birthday with cake and in any other way Jazsper wants to for the rest of our days. Because that was the day she was born, and it deserves celebrating. We will continue to do a memorial of some sort every year that marks the date she was taken from us. Because that day needs to be remembered too. A remembrance of how each day is precious. And should be lived. Lived like it might be our last. And we never know when any of us will be taken.
But we will also remember her with loving happy thoughts. We will continue to share stories of her life with Jazsper, so that he has a feel for what his Momma was like, because his memory of her is pretty nonexistant. So he can learn and remember the beauty and love that was her spirit.
I still get emotional sometimes when I talk in depth about her. I hope I always will. My heart will always have a missing whole that nothing will ever fill. Although I have turned to God and the love of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and they fill the missing parts and carry me through what remains of my life.
I still don't associate with a lot of people. The baseball family is about the only thing that I really make a point of. I don't think I am depressed about her being gone any more. Depression has always been a part of my married life, and I think that is more from marriage than anything else, sad but true.
I haven't run into Korry's best friend Jamie in a number of years. I am sure I will get emotional at that point. The tears and emotions do come out when I feel I am with someone who understands.
The radio this morning was talking about the attack on the Mosques in Austrailia. How horrible. It is a Christian radio station and they were asking for people's stories that have had a "darkest day", and how they survived it and how they were able to continue living.
Time is my answer. and of course God.
And the desire to not let myself fall apart forever. I didn't want to be the pitiful mom who counts the days since my child's death. I do count the years, and I can always remember the date. People will tell me I am so strong. (especially when they hear that I have lost my mom, dad, daughter, son-in-law, brother-in -law and sister within 6 years) But I am not strong. God is strong and I am weak. God picks me up and carries me. Probably a whole lot more than I realize. I didn't have the option of falling apart forever because of Jazsper. I had to learn to put on my "I'm ok face" early on with him. So that he could have a life that was as normal as possible.
But I think all and all I am Surviving. And most days Thriving. I find peace in God and I study his word more and more so that I can return to him. He blesses me in so many ways these days. The closer I try to grow to him the more he pours blessings down on me.
To anyone who has read my blog, I hope that I have helped, with encouragement and what to expect and the things that might go on in life after your loss. I ask for God's blessing upon you. That you may turn to Him and find the peace that you need.
To all my blog friends
Vaya Con Dios.. Go with God
Funny, Paul mentioned that it should take me 5 years to "get over this" as I have mentioned before. And as I have said before I hope that I never "get over" the death of my dear sweet Korry. But with that being said. Yes I miss her and think of her every day. But my life has joy, peace and love in it.(and it has been almost 5 1/2 years) I have hope in the love of God that Korry is in Heaven, and I will be able to see her again some day. I feel more that this is a "knowledge" then a "hope", but of course nothing in Heaven is fully known, other than we have a loving God and an advocate who speaks/represents us in Jesus Christ.
Jazsper is growing up. He is 8 now. Milestones are still a little difficult, because I wish Korry was here with us in person to experience these things. But I know she is watching from above. Holidays are a little bitter-sweet because she is not here. Special events like weddings of family members are a little off because we all wish she was here for them.
We will continue to celebrate her birthday with cake and in any other way Jazsper wants to for the rest of our days. Because that was the day she was born, and it deserves celebrating. We will continue to do a memorial of some sort every year that marks the date she was taken from us. Because that day needs to be remembered too. A remembrance of how each day is precious. And should be lived. Lived like it might be our last. And we never know when any of us will be taken.
But we will also remember her with loving happy thoughts. We will continue to share stories of her life with Jazsper, so that he has a feel for what his Momma was like, because his memory of her is pretty nonexistant. So he can learn and remember the beauty and love that was her spirit.
I still get emotional sometimes when I talk in depth about her. I hope I always will. My heart will always have a missing whole that nothing will ever fill. Although I have turned to God and the love of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and they fill the missing parts and carry me through what remains of my life.
I still don't associate with a lot of people. The baseball family is about the only thing that I really make a point of. I don't think I am depressed about her being gone any more. Depression has always been a part of my married life, and I think that is more from marriage than anything else, sad but true.
I haven't run into Korry's best friend Jamie in a number of years. I am sure I will get emotional at that point. The tears and emotions do come out when I feel I am with someone who understands.
The radio this morning was talking about the attack on the Mosques in Austrailia. How horrible. It is a Christian radio station and they were asking for people's stories that have had a "darkest day", and how they survived it and how they were able to continue living.
Time is my answer. and of course God.
And the desire to not let myself fall apart forever. I didn't want to be the pitiful mom who counts the days since my child's death. I do count the years, and I can always remember the date. People will tell me I am so strong. (especially when they hear that I have lost my mom, dad, daughter, son-in-law, brother-in -law and sister within 6 years) But I am not strong. God is strong and I am weak. God picks me up and carries me. Probably a whole lot more than I realize. I didn't have the option of falling apart forever because of Jazsper. I had to learn to put on my "I'm ok face" early on with him. So that he could have a life that was as normal as possible.
But I think all and all I am Surviving. And most days Thriving. I find peace in God and I study his word more and more so that I can return to him. He blesses me in so many ways these days. The closer I try to grow to him the more he pours blessings down on me.
To anyone who has read my blog, I hope that I have helped, with encouragement and what to expect and the things that might go on in life after your loss. I ask for God's blessing upon you. That you may turn to Him and find the peace that you need.
To all my blog friends
Vaya Con Dios.. Go with God
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