As Time Goes By

Its really hard to tell if my depression and irritability is linked to the death of Korry or not.  I have struggled with depression in the past.  I find a lack of interest in a lot of things, would I anyway at this point in my life? I know majority of my irritability is due to my husband. He is unable to accept that he is aging and because of this he is extremely depressed and more than just irritable, he is flat out miserable. Would he be as miserable if we weren’t raising Jazsper? I actually think Jazsper usually makes Paul better. But on the other hand we have very different parenting skills. We don’t fight over it, he just grumbles about everything.  Our life used to be so good together. If Korry hadn’t have gotten killed would we still be enjoying life as before?  Or would we still be going thru this period of grumpiness? I guess Paul picked up life for me so much after Korry first died, that now he feels he still has to do it, and it just bugs me. I don’t think it is necessary any more, but he has turned into a bit of a control freak. And I am still the independent person I always have been. And he doesn’t like it. I just wish he wouldn’t bring so much negativity into the house. I know I could be a happy person. When he isn’t grumpy, my whole mood changes and I have a happy heart. But it is usually very short lived.
    I still am not interested in conversations with people about superficial stuff. I like to get out and do stuff, and talk to my close friends, but others I just seem to tune out. I try to do as much with Jazsper as possible. And I am hoping once baseball gets going in a few months, that will get me socializing again.
I think of Korry all the time, but it doesn’t usually bring tears any more. I worry that I am forgetting some things about her. That breaks my heart. I can only imagine what it must be like for Jazsper only having the memories that we share with him. Not truly being able to remember stuff about his Momma.