Grieving Mother.. the journey through Life after my Daughter died

My mind started playing a few tricks on me yesterday morning. I have had a couple long time patients die that I am close to, and a few that are getting close. I couldn't think straight yesterday. The whole day was just horrible. It took me twice as long to do everything I normally do. I was so worried that my brain had snapped. A few other things went on, I don't want to sound like I am whining. But it all added up to almost a real breakdown. I cried all the way home from work. And then this morning on the way to work I took a sip of coffee and spilled 2 spots onto my white shirt. I started bawling, just uncontrolled. I cried for Korry. I cried for my stressful life. I just cried. When I got to work I called and was able to get an appointment with my counselor first thing this morning. I walked in and just started crying and crying. It was horrible. We decided that perhaps I needed to start changing my hours to part time now, instead of waiting til next year. My plate is just ...

It seems to start at my birthday. Either good or bad. It is like I wake up the next day and I start to drag. Nothing seems to be on track; I am late, hurried, forgetful.  And it doesn't really get better. I feel the sadness overwhelmingly.  I struggle at work to just not start crying for no reason. Walking to my car I want to start crying. Seems like everything is a struggle. Baseball practice, going to the beach, getting ready for school. The worst part is I would really like to cut my hours. I just can't function at work, and it seems like everything is getting to me. I love work. it is never like this. But I am tired! Very tired. Life is such a chore right now. the fun of summer has gone. I really think it is as I start scheduling people out 2-3 months I come across appointments to be made on October 29. I really think that altho I don't consciously see it, it is there. I think that my mind just starts going into fog mode already. I will try to up my anti depressants and...