Missing Momma
The other day, Jazsper must have been missing Korry more than usual. He asked if I had any videos of Korry. Then he asked if I had any saved voicemails. I explained that I didn’t have any videos because he was only 2 when she died and we really didn’t have time enough to take videos. We weren’t expecting her to be gone. And I didn’t have any saved voicemails for the same reason. It made me so sad. But then the hardest part was that he asked if he could call me Momma. It broke my heart, he just wants a Momma so bad. How do you answer that. I told him that he already had a Momma, she was just up in heaven. But I added that if he wanted to call me Momma he could. It tore me up inside. I had so many mixed emotions over it. He called me Momma then, and a few times later that day, and has not mentioned it since.
As I started typing this post, I realized why he did this. Or at least why I think this conversation came up. I wonder if he is starting to forget Korry and what she sounded like, acted like or all about her. He is starting to forget his Momma. That breaks my heart at an all new level. How sad for this young 7 year old boy. There are pictures in his bedroom of her. And we have pictures throughout the house that include her, but I wonder if this is not enough.
I have researched books and google about grief in children, but nothing that I find really deals with “down the road”. Everything is what to expect immediately after a death, nothing helps for 4 years later. How to guide this sweet baby through the roller coaster that is his life. I may need to go to the center in town that helps grieving kids. They may be able to offer me some guidance.
It never really occurred to me this side of his missing Momma that maybe when everyone else has there Momma with them, Jazsper has his gramma. I have tried to be a Momma to him, but obviously it is not the same.
As I was writing this, I stopped, because Jazsper woke up and came to sit with me. We were doing normal morning cuddle stuff and when I commented something about him being like his momma, he didn’t like it. He didn’t want to talk about her. It was making him too sad. It was different tho. It didn’t seem like he was missing her real bad, that is usually a different conversation. I tried to get him to talk about it, but he wouldn’t. Not sure what is going on. It’s been quite a roller coaster for him for some reason.
As I started typing this post, I realized why he did this. Or at least why I think this conversation came up. I wonder if he is starting to forget Korry and what she sounded like, acted like or all about her. He is starting to forget his Momma. That breaks my heart at an all new level. How sad for this young 7 year old boy. There are pictures in his bedroom of her. And we have pictures throughout the house that include her, but I wonder if this is not enough.
I have researched books and google about grief in children, but nothing that I find really deals with “down the road”. Everything is what to expect immediately after a death, nothing helps for 4 years later. How to guide this sweet baby through the roller coaster that is his life. I may need to go to the center in town that helps grieving kids. They may be able to offer me some guidance.
It never really occurred to me this side of his missing Momma that maybe when everyone else has there Momma with them, Jazsper has his gramma. I have tried to be a Momma to him, but obviously it is not the same.
As I was writing this, I stopped, because Jazsper woke up and came to sit with me. We were doing normal morning cuddle stuff and when I commented something about him being like his momma, he didn’t like it. He didn’t want to talk about her. It was making him too sad. It was different tho. It didn’t seem like he was missing her real bad, that is usually a different conversation. I tried to get him to talk about it, but he wouldn’t. Not sure what is going on. It’s been quite a roller coaster for him for some reason.
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