Milestones and Brain Functions
I worry sometimes that I use my grief as a reason for all my problems. I have been pretty down lately, but I think it was because Jazsper started 1st grade this week. A milestone that Korry should have been here for. The milestones are really starting to effect me. It seems like they are always coming up and I am always wishing she was here for it, and it makes me sad. I also think it is clouding my brain some too. Or is this just me? Difficult to discern what really is the cause of it all. I struggled with depression for so many years prior to moving to Alabama, I worry that it is coming back. But as I have also decided I have been thru so much in the last few years.......
Jazsper starting 1st grade was made harder by his independence. He didn't want me to walk him into school and help him get to where he needed to go. He wanted me to go thru the car drop off and he could do it by himself. I cried at how big he is getting. Korry would be so proud of him.
Jazsper is finally learning to go to sleep on his own in his bed. Ever since he came to live with us, I have rocked him and carried him to bed after he was asleep. But he is just too big. So the last few weeks, we have been working on going to bed, having 2 books, 3 songs and then me kissing him and going out to the front room. A few nights have been pretty rough. One night he added to the heartache by telling me (while crying) that he missed his mom and why couldn't she come down to visit and see him. Oh it broke my heart. When he is sad or having a hard time, he misses her. He needs the extra comfort that he thinks she would give him. It isn't that I am being mean or stern, he just misses his mommy.
Labor Day weekend we are going to see his family. We are meeting halfway, so neither of us have too long of a drive. Paul of course will not be going. I haven't told Jazsper. I will keep it quiet until we leave. Otherwise he will be wanting to know if it is time to go every morning.... He doesn't really have any concept of "weeks" and how long they are.
I have really been missing Korry a lot lately. There are just so many things/feelings I want to tell her. It seems like everything I see or hear reminds me of her.
I never really got to say good-by. And I didn't know that all the holidays the year before would be our last together. So many feelings running thru my mind these days. I don't know if there is any one thing that has triggered it. I just keep praying for comfort and guidance, and I know the Lord will help me.
Jazsper starting 1st grade was made harder by his independence. He didn't want me to walk him into school and help him get to where he needed to go. He wanted me to go thru the car drop off and he could do it by himself. I cried at how big he is getting. Korry would be so proud of him.
Jazsper is finally learning to go to sleep on his own in his bed. Ever since he came to live with us, I have rocked him and carried him to bed after he was asleep. But he is just too big. So the last few weeks, we have been working on going to bed, having 2 books, 3 songs and then me kissing him and going out to the front room. A few nights have been pretty rough. One night he added to the heartache by telling me (while crying) that he missed his mom and why couldn't she come down to visit and see him. Oh it broke my heart. When he is sad or having a hard time, he misses her. He needs the extra comfort that he thinks she would give him. It isn't that I am being mean or stern, he just misses his mommy.
Labor Day weekend we are going to see his family. We are meeting halfway, so neither of us have too long of a drive. Paul of course will not be going. I haven't told Jazsper. I will keep it quiet until we leave. Otherwise he will be wanting to know if it is time to go every morning.... He doesn't really have any concept of "weeks" and how long they are.
I have really been missing Korry a lot lately. There are just so many things/feelings I want to tell her. It seems like everything I see or hear reminds me of her.
I never really got to say good-by. And I didn't know that all the holidays the year before would be our last together. So many feelings running thru my mind these days. I don't know if there is any one thing that has triggered it. I just keep praying for comfort and guidance, and I know the Lord will help me.
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