Grieving Mother.. the journey through Life after my Daughter died

I have finally realized that I think my life is normal and like everyone else. Only to come to the conclusion that it is nowhere near normal. My life always has the background of losing mom (11/2011), losing dad (8/2013), losing Korry (10/2013), losing Kelsey's husband (1/2016), and Paul's brother (2/2016). How can I ever expect to be normal. I mean, seriously, there is nothing normal at the way I look at life and the way my mind works/reacts. I thought about that this weekend. My mind just doesn't work like it should. It is slower (may be an age issue! haha) But the fog that I live in, will never lift completely. I will never have all my brain cells back. No joke. It is a fact of life that this is my life. I realized this weekend, that Paul treated me with kit gloves after Korry died. He didn't expect anything from me and he was always waiting for the nervous breakdown, that never happened. But because of that, I expected (subconsciously maybe?) that he would always h...

I was sitting last night trying to review my sleep issues. I don't seem to fall asleep early. I am up til midnite most nights, and then I have to get up at 5:30. I get so tired. I finally realized that perhaps (one of those hmmmmmm momments) I am not able to actually fall asleep because I don't want to run the chance of being woken up at 3:00 am with a phone call of something terrible happening.... I thought about this for a while. I used to have problems staying asleep, but now I stay asleep fine, it is just that I can't GET to sleep. That was the time I got a phone call about Korry's accident. It was about the time Kelsey called me to tell me her husband was in the hospital, and it was about that time that my husband got a call that his brother was about to die in the hospital. (he had been in for a few days.) I think this is just a conglomeration of issues that my brain associates some how with sleeping. I feel a little better about it. Perhaps now I can work on add...