Grief Compounded 10/15/16

It is still continuing to be rough. I know it is just the time of year with Korry’s Angelverssary on Oct 29^th, but it is rough this year. Jazsper seems to be really struggling for some reason the past month, and all I can think is his brain some how knows…  It double intensifies the loss knowing that he is feeling it too.  And I just am on the verge of tears constantly. I really wish my husband understood this. I just can’t handle a lot right now, and minimal irritants really bug me. I am so thankful for the support and understanding I get from my friends and therapist! I would go nuts with out them. especially my friend Karen.  She made me feel a lot better when I was having a break down that its different for me rather than most people with child loss, because I am raising the child. I cant get busy and put it on the back burner of my mind. it is always front and center. And then when he starts missing, I miss even worse. I just cant believe how rough a time I am having.

I know that Paul just wishes that I put korry’s pictures away and that we would never mention it. He seems to think that it would be better for Jazsper. But I cant even imagine doing that. As hard as it is, it is part of our life. And with the good graces of God, we will make it thru. But it is just a rough road. It does help me to turn to God more, and appreciate the comfort he brings me.

I don’t know what to do about bed for Jazsper. He just doesn’t want to sleep alone. I did make him a momma pillow out of Korry’s bathrobe, and I know he loves that. in fact he wants to use it as his regular sleeping pillow.