Sadness is Overwhelming Sometimes

It's been an emotional week. Over the weekend, Jazsper wanted to see pictures of him and his momma. So, I pulled up all my digital pictures and we looked thru them.  I think that is where it started for me. And it just seems like all week there have been comments and questions for some reason.  I always miss Korry, but sometimes I truly find it hard to actually breathe, the grief is so overwhelming. Today all I wanted to do was just stop. Stop work; stop conversations; stop being social. But most of all stop functioning. I just wanted to curl up and do nothing. I wanted to curl up and try to make it thru the tsunami of tears, grief, and heartache.  I really feel that I need to let all this out. But I have no release. At home, I have my wonderfully sweet Jazsper to spend time with. And I didn't do a very good job tonight. I wasn't mean or short, I just wasn't all there. So often I just need to be held and allowed to cry. But I have no one to turn to. I wish it could be Paul, but that just isn't in his make up to offer comfort. I get so lonely and sad sometimes. I think the worse part is that he doesn't even see it. I am blessed to have a strong faith. I know that God carries me through this. And He is helping me to breathe and survive. Kelsey comments that if I ever need to talk to her, when I am missing Korry, I can. But she deals with her grief differently. (Keep it on the back burner, out of thoughts) I just can't picture her comforting me. It isn't so much "talking" that I need as much as I need holding. And that is just not part of Kelsey and I's relationship. I hurt so bad tonight, and I am so sad. The tears just won't stop. I am just so worn out. I can't put my mask on any more tonight....