Grieving Mother.. the journey through Life after my Daughter died

I know that it was important for Jazsper to have two parents when he was born that were married. Korry  waited to get pregnant until she was married. About a year after she was married, Jazsper was born.  All that changed when her husband greg cheated on her 9 months later. That was when she moved back to Alabama.  Since her death, I have been very aware that Jazsper has a dad out there, just that he lives far away.  Jazsper has been talking to him pretty regularly since August of last year, about the time preschool started. I made myself a promise that I would never keep Jazsper away from greg, because Korry wouldn't want that. Paul of course thinks he is worthless, and anyone who would not support their child isn't worth the child ever having contact. With that being said, here we are 2 1/2 years later, and Jazsper's gramma Lucille has asked that if I could, they are having a family party in San Angelo TX over Memorial day, and could we please bring Jazsper. His c...

Well Mother's Day is this weekend, and I am doing surprisingly good.  I think having Kelsey here helps.  I even asked Heather if they wanted to come over for a brunch around 11:00 on sunday. We had a little potluck this morning and so many things looked good, I thought... hmmmm... I want to cook, let's have brunch. Of course the reality of the day didn't sink in, but that is ok.  Jazsper and I will put an I love you balloon at the cross. I bought a present for Dominick to give Kelsey, because I don't know if anyone else will, and I thought it would be important.  I am sure I will wake up that day and have many of the crappy mother's day feelings that I have had all my life, but at least I have a plan.

The grass is growing high this time of year, and it is overgrowing at Korry's cross. So it was time to go start the trimming. We try to trim around the cross before the state comes along to mow, so that they dont hit it by mistake. We trimmed around it about a 3-4' diameter area. Jazsper didn't want to walk down with us, so he sat in the back of the SUV with the hatch up, so we could see him, and he could see us. When we got back to him, he looked at me and said "I want to go down to momma's cross.  So he and I walked back to it. He asked about the accident. I think he does this so he has an answer in his head as to why his mom has died. And he likes to tell me what happened. Somehow I think this is helping him to deal with it. He sang her Mary had a Little Lamb, and told her he loved her and missed her. Then he stood there for quite a while looking at the writing and the initials of Korry's friends. Commented on how there was a "J" for Jazsper! even ...