How Other Factors Affect Grief
I had a melt down on the way home from work yesterday. I find it interesting how often Kelsey can hit a button and trigger the missing of Korry.
When I talk with Kelsey, and she is so ungrateful for everything, it just reminds me of how sweet and nice Korry was. And that, of course, sets a flood of emotion ripping thru me. I miss Korry so much everyday all day, but it just gets compounded when Kelsey is such an ungrateful child. Korry would always be happy when I offered dinner, no question of WHAT it was. She always wanted to come over during the summer and just relax while the boys played in the blow up pool. She was just so loving, always kindhearted to me (well except for the one year when she ran away-but that resolved quickly). I just can't get over the difference between Kelsey/Kyle and Korry. I truly believe it is genetics. Korry's dad was the best! And I certainly imagine she got most of her goodness from him, where as the other two got most of their selfish/grumpy behavior from their dad.
Interestingly enough, the meltdown felt good. I really needed a good cry/cleansing it has been borderline for a while, and I am glad it came out.
Greif is such a life long journey. I keep hearing that. But it is a roller coaster of a journey. Not just continual sadness and tears, but rather sporadic tears as time goes on. The sadness gets pushed aside so that I can function and survive my life, but it is always there. I just really miss my sweet Korry. Luckily our little Jazsper is as sweet as his momma. He is 5 now and growing like a weed. That also sends me in tears, when I think that she is watching him from Heaven instead of hugging him here on earth. He misses her too. I am not exactly sure what he misses, but I think he just misses the idea of having a momma. He misses his dad once in a while too, he says. His prayers always include and thank you for momma. Sometimes it is just heart breaking. But I try to stay strong, so I wait til I am alone to let it out... and out.... and sometimes out some more!
When I talk with Kelsey, and she is so ungrateful for everything, it just reminds me of how sweet and nice Korry was. And that, of course, sets a flood of emotion ripping thru me. I miss Korry so much everyday all day, but it just gets compounded when Kelsey is such an ungrateful child. Korry would always be happy when I offered dinner, no question of WHAT it was. She always wanted to come over during the summer and just relax while the boys played in the blow up pool. She was just so loving, always kindhearted to me (well except for the one year when she ran away-but that resolved quickly). I just can't get over the difference between Kelsey/Kyle and Korry. I truly believe it is genetics. Korry's dad was the best! And I certainly imagine she got most of her goodness from him, where as the other two got most of their selfish/grumpy behavior from their dad.
Interestingly enough, the meltdown felt good. I really needed a good cry/cleansing it has been borderline for a while, and I am glad it came out.
Greif is such a life long journey. I keep hearing that. But it is a roller coaster of a journey. Not just continual sadness and tears, but rather sporadic tears as time goes on. The sadness gets pushed aside so that I can function and survive my life, but it is always there. I just really miss my sweet Korry. Luckily our little Jazsper is as sweet as his momma. He is 5 now and growing like a weed. That also sends me in tears, when I think that she is watching him from Heaven instead of hugging him here on earth. He misses her too. I am not exactly sure what he misses, but I think he just misses the idea of having a momma. He misses his dad once in a while too, he says. His prayers always include and thank you for momma. Sometimes it is just heart breaking. But I try to stay strong, so I wait til I am alone to let it out... and out.... and sometimes out some more!
Comments
Post a Comment