Another Christmas without Korry
Made it thru Thanksgiving. Paul's kids did not come over for the most part, and all I did was reheat and make a pumpkin cheesecake swirl with Kelsey via Skype. That Skype visit made a huge difference. Just was NOT in the mood. But it has passed. Hoping next year to maybe go somewhere for a day or two for thanksgiving, but I am not sure Paul would go for that. I put a little Christmas tree, and her bell wreath, at the cross for Korry.
Kelsey came out for a quick visit for the twit's sister's wedding. Twit and Dominick were here for a week. I had to fight with twit to get him to stay a few days here and there, but had a blast with him. Jazsper enjoyed it too. He loves Dominick so much. I am sure it is hard on him having Dominick so far away. But we did get to do some fun things together and twit only spent one night with us, so that was good, because honestly, that was one night too many, and every minute spent with him, just confirmed what a twit he is. Christmas went well. We had a nice Christmas Eve dinner, and Jazsper got to Skype with his other grandma and his older brother and sister that live in arizona. it was a lot of fun, and jazsper really enjoyed it. Jazsper's dad actually sent him a box of Christmas presents for the first time. It was really nice for Jazsper to have stuff from his dad. We have continued to have him talk to Jazsper at least once or twice a month, and Jazsper really seems to enjoy it. Jazsper and his dad and other brother were able to Skype christmas morning, so his dad could see him open the presents he sent. It was fun, altho, I think it was a bit hard on his dad. It would have to be, I would think. Knowing your son lives somewhere else..... But that is not my issue at this point... Otherwise no one came over on Christmas! I loved it. usually Brooke brings whatever big toy she got to our house and refuses to let Jazsper use it, or it is too big for Jazsper to use, and it is not usually very fun. We ended up all going to Rachel's house at 3:00 to have desserts and open presents. It was just right, but odd. all it was about was opening gifts. No real Christmassy atmosphere even tho she had a tree... I don't know, to me it was just odd.
Jazsper got a youth size basketball standard. Even tho it rained, he could till play in the carport and had a lot of fun. hopefully Paul will make up his mind about a loan and we will get some asphalt/concrete poured and he will have a real place to play. Then the rain stopped Saturday and finally on Sunday it dried enough for us to put up the zipline Santa brought him. He absolutely loved it, got the hang of it quick and had a blast!!! it is not real high, nor is it real long, but for him it is perfect. and it has a disk seat, so he is not relying on his arms to hold him up. I suppose we spoil him quite a bit. I mostly feel like he needs something fun to do since he spends all his time with us old people!! Plus, I think I feel a need to make up for everything missing in his life. Especially Korry.
New Year's Eve came and went. I put a bunch of balloons on Korry's cross for her birthday Jan 1. I also made some wine cupcakes in honor of her birthday. They were really quite good. I really miss her bad on days like that. I wish Paul would let me show my grief sometimes, and console me. But he won't. He barely likes to hug for any length of time. I swear he is so insensitive sometimes. I see so many posts and people send me so many notes on grief. How it never really ends, and how time helps, but doesn't heal. I think that is the hardest. I am doing OK, more or less, again. But my heart will never be healed 100%, and my life will never be the same. I found that Oct-Dec are the roughest months for me. I believe my grief comes out in irritability. But I have always been on the irritable side, so I am not sure this is new. But I did notice it more, the past few months. I know it is probably normal. Just another item in my life that has changed.
The quiet times by myself are still the hardest. That is when I allow my mind to wander, and it always wanders to Korry. Sometimes I can smile with happy memories, sometimes I just cry for the missing part of my heart. I wonder if the roller coaster will ever level out a bit.
Kelsey came out for a quick visit for the twit's sister's wedding. Twit and Dominick were here for a week. I had to fight with twit to get him to stay a few days here and there, but had a blast with him. Jazsper enjoyed it too. He loves Dominick so much. I am sure it is hard on him having Dominick so far away. But we did get to do some fun things together and twit only spent one night with us, so that was good, because honestly, that was one night too many, and every minute spent with him, just confirmed what a twit he is. Christmas went well. We had a nice Christmas Eve dinner, and Jazsper got to Skype with his other grandma and his older brother and sister that live in arizona. it was a lot of fun, and jazsper really enjoyed it. Jazsper's dad actually sent him a box of Christmas presents for the first time. It was really nice for Jazsper to have stuff from his dad. We have continued to have him talk to Jazsper at least once or twice a month, and Jazsper really seems to enjoy it. Jazsper and his dad and other brother were able to Skype christmas morning, so his dad could see him open the presents he sent. It was fun, altho, I think it was a bit hard on his dad. It would have to be, I would think. Knowing your son lives somewhere else..... But that is not my issue at this point... Otherwise no one came over on Christmas! I loved it. usually Brooke brings whatever big toy she got to our house and refuses to let Jazsper use it, or it is too big for Jazsper to use, and it is not usually very fun. We ended up all going to Rachel's house at 3:00 to have desserts and open presents. It was just right, but odd. all it was about was opening gifts. No real Christmassy atmosphere even tho she had a tree... I don't know, to me it was just odd.
Jazsper got a youth size basketball standard. Even tho it rained, he could till play in the carport and had a lot of fun. hopefully Paul will make up his mind about a loan and we will get some asphalt/concrete poured and he will have a real place to play. Then the rain stopped Saturday and finally on Sunday it dried enough for us to put up the zipline Santa brought him. He absolutely loved it, got the hang of it quick and had a blast!!! it is not real high, nor is it real long, but for him it is perfect. and it has a disk seat, so he is not relying on his arms to hold him up. I suppose we spoil him quite a bit. I mostly feel like he needs something fun to do since he spends all his time with us old people!! Plus, I think I feel a need to make up for everything missing in his life. Especially Korry.
New Year's Eve came and went. I put a bunch of balloons on Korry's cross for her birthday Jan 1. I also made some wine cupcakes in honor of her birthday. They were really quite good. I really miss her bad on days like that. I wish Paul would let me show my grief sometimes, and console me. But he won't. He barely likes to hug for any length of time. I swear he is so insensitive sometimes. I see so many posts and people send me so many notes on grief. How it never really ends, and how time helps, but doesn't heal. I think that is the hardest. I am doing OK, more or less, again. But my heart will never be healed 100%, and my life will never be the same. I found that Oct-Dec are the roughest months for me. I believe my grief comes out in irritability. But I have always been on the irritable side, so I am not sure this is new. But I did notice it more, the past few months. I know it is probably normal. Just another item in my life that has changed.
The quiet times by myself are still the hardest. That is when I allow my mind to wander, and it always wanders to Korry. Sometimes I can smile with happy memories, sometimes I just cry for the missing part of my heart. I wonder if the roller coaster will ever level out a bit.
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