As Time Goes By

I think I have reached a turning point. I feel much better. I know that as the 2 year mark comes up next month, I have a tendency to be more irritable.  At least I hope that is why I am irritable! As Jazsper reaches milestones, now, or does something cool, I don't always think "I wish Korry was here for this".  My thoughts are that she is watching him from above, and she sees these wonderful things. Sometimes I will comment when I am alone looking up at the sky "Did you see that?" and comment on how wonderful Jazsper is.  This morning was Childhood Cancer Awareness Super Heroes day at preschool this morning.  As we spent time this weekend with Spiderman costume, it didn't even cross my mind about wishing Korry could see this.  It isn't that I forget about her, because I would never want to do that, it is more that I don't feel sad at her missing things, and I have come to accept that she be here for these things.  Jazsper and I talk about her alot when we are alone. He wants to know what his mom said about this or what did she say about that. What did she take him to do, what did she teach him, what did she buy him.  I make sure and say as much positive stuff as I can to him.  He is understanding the importance of "being with someone".  And that his time with his mom was important.  That is pretty big for a 4 1/2 year old to come up with. He is an incredible little guy.  I don't feel the need to cry so much any more. Once in a while it will hit me gently, but not the tsunami wave I have learned to expect.  I keep pictures of Korry around at home and work, and they help with the happy memories that I am now transitioning to.  It is an interesting journey