Grieving Mother.. the journey through Life after my Daughter died

One of the harder things about the loss of Korry, is that she always cared about me. We never went more than a few days without talking or texting. At least that is how I remember it. And I believe it was that way once she moved back to Alabama.  Prior to that in Arizona, maybe not so much. But I got used to having her call me, text me, tell me about good and bad things. She was my first child and she was what I used to determine my value as a mother. This is all sorta hitting me right now, and these thoughts are just coming out.  My son, I hear from maybe once a month. But that is all I expect from him. I know he loves me, he is just very busy with work and gym and sleep! I had really hoped that Kelsey would step up and be a little more attentive of me. And she has improved tremendously, but it still bothers me when I don't hear from her for a long time. And I usually have to initiate the call.  She works graveyards, and so I never know when she is sleeping, and on weeke...

Most days I do OK. I have my teary moments, but on the whole they pass. What gets me are the events that trigger a deeper hurt.  Yesterday we went to the cross that marks the accident site.  The grass had grown tall and we needed to use the weedeater. My husband got the grass knocked down, as Jaz and I watched. When he was done.Jaz wanted to stay for a minute. So we waited and he started singing her his repertoire of short songs. It was so sweet. I stood there with tears as he sang.  He knows that she isn't there, technically, but it is the place where he feels he can talk to her.. breaks my heart. These are the things that take a few days to start getting thru.  He is getting to the point that he understands his mom is gone, but the other little boys moms are here.  Not much I can do but love him thru it.  Paul so badly wants for us to be the parents, so that he fits in, and has a normal family like the other boys.  I think this stems from his childh...