1 Year

Well, 1 year has passed. I know it sounds odd to say, but I am so SAD. I dont have nearly the tears I did before, it just seems to sadden me, more, in a different sort of way. The floating lanterns were wonderful. It was such a sweet group of kids, well they really aren't kids. they are mostly in their 20's, I would guess. I took Jaz and they were all amazed at how much he had grown. He seemed to be doing fine and was drawing and smiling. But when we got home, I realized how much it bothered him. He pitched a fit from hell. I realized at that point that it was just too much for him. He had never been to the restaurant when Korry wasn't there. I realized how hard it was for me to look around at the cars and restaurant, for the same reason. I think I just pretty much blanked it all out, but Jaz wasn't able to do that... Last week was very draining. emotionally and physically. I know that is part of grief, but it doesn't make it any easier. I just feel like I want to sleep or curl up in bed, but of course I am unable to. Life calls to me and says get moving! We have been busy getting the computer room turned into a guest room so my kids can stay when they come to visit. That kept me busy much of last week, which was good. Thanksgiving is coming up. I don't plan on doing much for it. I told Paul I would get a turkey breast and cook that and buy some side dishes at costco to have with it, since it was just the 3 of us, unless his brother comes, but that is still small enough. I basically was trying to get the point across that I wasn't making my usual Thanksgiving dinner. I just don't have it in me. Last year Kelsey was here and I had to keep "normal traditions" for her. This year I am not up for it. Paul commented that his older daughter (41 yrs never married) might come over. Again, I tried to get across that I wasnt "cooking" just reheating! He somehow thinks that his daughters take the place of my kids that are not here. Nope. No one can replace my own children. Most times it just emphasizes the fact that my kids are not with me. I miss KORRY. I miss Kelsey and Kyle too. it's just hard and i am just sad.......