Strength or Lack Of
People often comment on how strong I am. Dealing with the deaths I have experienced over the last few years. God gives me strength. I have no strength whatsoever. I am so close to tears most of the time. But I am not given the option to boo-hoo. I have to put on my happy face. If I stop and think about it, I start crying. I miss my dad, my daughter, and I hurt for For my other daughter becoming a widow at 22. The combination, I think is what has gotten me. I am so very tired. Mentally and physically. I don’t think I have completely gotten over the “breakdown” a few weeks ago. I am always on edge and on the verge of tears. But I am not allowed to let them out. I don’t have a safe place to turn to. It is getting harder instead of easier. Perhaps because other people forget what I have gone thru, and they expect a response like a normal person. I am not, nor will I ever be part of the normal population again. I so desperately need to be able to go part time at work. It has been approved...