Grieving Mother.. the journey through Life after my Daughter died

It just dawned on me that Kelsey came over just to hang out today. It was to celebrate her birthday because we have work and baseball tomorrow. It is one of the few times I can remember her coming over just to hang, more or less.  It was something Korry did a lot, but Kelsey never wanted to. It was nice. It has been a rough day for me. I registered Jazsper for kindergarten. It went fine. But I was shaking and after I got to the car, I cried. I realized it was bothering me so bad because it was something that Korry should have been here for.  It was another milestone, that would have meant so much to her to have her big little guy getting signed up for kindergarten... She has missed his first week of real baseball games, his sliding into home with a huge smile on his face. Oh, she would have been proud!!!! I know she is watching from above. It is just so hard, as always.

I had a melt down on the way home from work yesterday. I find it interesting how often Kelsey can hit a button and trigger the missing of Korry. When I talk with Kelsey, and she is so ungrateful for everything, it just reminds me of how sweet and nice Korry was. And that, of course, sets a flood of emotion ripping thru me. I miss Korry so much everyday all day, but it just gets compounded when Kelsey is such an ungrateful child. Korry would always be happy when I offered dinner, no question of WHAT it was. She always wanted to come over during the summer and just relax while the boys played in the blow up pool. She was just so loving, always kindhearted to me (well except for the one year when she ran away-but that resolved quickly).  I just can't get over the difference between Kelsey/Kyle and Korry. I truly believe it is genetics. Korry's dad was the best! And I certainly imagine she got most of her goodness from him, where as the other two got most of their selfish/grumpy b...