Grieving Mother.. the journey through Life after my Daughter died

I worry on this that I may talk about the same thing in different posts, because they are not done specifically chronologically. I just ramble some times.     I went to a grief support group this past weekend. It is a small group of people who have lost a child. It was helpful, I felt better after going, but I don't know if I will continue long term. I know I will go for the next few months, it meets once a month. But I think after that I will need to do something else. It was mentioned that the second year is harder than the first. I can't imagine feeling a larger hole in my heart than I have now. Maybe it is because the first year I am so numb and still in shock to a certain extent. Or maybe because the first year there is so much to do and take care of. My friend who lost a son 5 years ago, said she had more problems the second year, because she was not expecting milestones to bother her as much, and they sideswiped her. Holidays, special occasions. She said it was ha...

I prepared myself for Mother's Day this. I have never been fond of this "holiday" because I always went to church and heard about all these wonderful Mothers and of course compared them to my Mom. My mom was not a real nurturing type, so I never enjoyed Mother's Day. Then I always felt that I fell short of being one of those GREAT moms, so it just never set well with me. Even with preparing myself for the day, I didn't prepare myself for the week prior. I had a lady telling me what a wonderful present her daughter was giving her by graduating from nursing school, and what a long road it had been. I almost broke down crying on the spot. Korry was finally trying so hard to go to school to get a degree when the accident happened. Then of course I have people wishing me happy Mothers day as they see me this week. Most have no idea that Korry has become a beautiful angel, so it isn't their fault. But it breaks my heart. I think the hardest thing was when Jazsper...

Everyone told me that holidays would be so hard. But I find instead they are just "off" Thanksgiving came less than a month after Korry's accident. Instead of cooking the big meal with all the family, I simply cooked a few things. And then I only invited Kelsey, and my husband's brother. It was almost surreal.  The hardest part was the fact that Korry used to help so much. It was a challenge, but not as bad as I had anticipated.      Christmas was all about Jazsper so that was sort of "ok". But i got tired of the family being over, and wanted everyone to go home.      I find that happens a lot. I get tired of people. I don't want to have people over, nor do I want to go to any gatherings. At least not where I have to be social to other people and carry on conversations. I don't like trivial conversations at all.      New Year's Eve, Paul and I went to our usual New Year's party at the Officer's Club on post. It was hard...