I have had an overwhelming sadness now since the beginning of October. The passing of the one year mark has been excrutiating. It has been really hard to get through. And I have been so worn out emotionally that I have no physical strength left in me at the end of the day. Thanksgiving came and went. I didn't cook my traditional "all out" meal. I bought premade sides, and a turkey breast and that was that. It just wasn't worth the trouble this year. I have been kept busy preparing for my other daughter's wedding, that was December 6. She got into town on November 30th. It was wonderful seeing her and my other grandson Dominick after 9 months. My son Kyle and his girlfriend came in to town on December 4th for a few days and it was wonderful of course to see him. I had not seen hims since he came out when Korry was killed. We had a memory candle at Kelsey's wedding for Korry. And I had a corsage made for her, and laid beside it. Kelsey had a couple memory cha...
As I mentioned I am having a rough go again... I went to a counselor today. He was very helpful and I think it will be a good thing as time goes on. He recommended I get a book How to go on Living When Someone You Love Dies... I will have to see if they have at the library. I will see him once a week for a while and see if we can get some resolution to my ongoing tears. A friend made an interesting comment... when I said "all Korry ever wanted was for Jazsper to grow up in a happy 2 parent home" secure, safe, loving ,.... etc.. and my friend looks at me and said .."he has that" he has exactly what Korry wanted for him. I think this thought will help me as time goes by. The counselor and I discussed the major losses in my life.. marriage, mom, dad, Korry... He says I have had a lot in the last few years. So I guess some of this is to be expected. He calls the problem I am having now Secondary loss grieving..which is not just grieving for Korry, but the other grievin...
It is that time of year again. So many triggers for some reason. The football team was doing a fundraiser dinner at Logan's. That is the restaurant Korry worked at. I have not set foot in one since she was killed in the car accident. Jazsper has a haircut appointment on the 29th. I usually don't plan anything for that day, but we are friends with his barber, and she has moved her shop to her home and she has livestock that I think Jazsper would enjoy, so that is a convenient day for her, so I went ahead and booked it. This will be 8 years end of next week. I still miss her so much. There are so many times I just want to cry. I imagine it will be like this for the rest of my life. She was such a good daughter and mother. So many times I wish I could call her and talk to her. I thought as time went by, that perhaps this wouldn't happen so much, but I was wrong. I miss her as much today as I did 8 years ago.
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